High on the Hog by Microsoft Windows XP

For yours truly, watching the NBA finals or the World Cup is like looking in a mirror. What do I see? A superhuman specimen of fitness, endurance and strength, with a relentless will to win. The biggest stars always carry the weight of a nation on their shoulders; every move is cheered by millions, and jeered by many more. So goes life in the athletic spotlight, as The Porkchop Express knows all too well.

Still, skeptical reader, you might wonder how I maintain an Adonis-like physique and limitless drive towards perfection when my sport is eating. Free weights and nautilus? Jazzercize and Tae Bo? No, no, no and no. The answer is as simple as it spells: pork.

Forget all that